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rumination

from On the Border by Elsyne

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about

when those around me wouldn't understand

lyrics

sea of my emotions it never runs dry
never feel okay till I'm blazed fuckin high

thoughts of suicide rage throughout my head
mind repeats until I wish I was dead

envy coming forth cause you know it's gotta show
blood on my wrists, hope it's never gonna slow

rumination
rumination
rumination
rumination

Find a way out but I keep coming back
Ways that worked before, I try to keep track

Grabbing sharp objects on all my days
thought I'm done with that, but there's no way

give a big hello to all that walk by
the smile on my face is all a big lie

rumination
rumination
rumination
rumination

wake up in my spiral, you all know how it goes
will it ever stop, I don't really know

I can sleep my pain away, or so i thought
every time it shows, it's one I've never fought

what will happen next, its really just a blend
and as time goes on, maybe it will end

rumination x4

you never understand cause all i get is silence
and every other day i commit self violence
what is empathy, im sure you may ask
you are not the first, and probably not the last

have to go to others with all my self hate
you always say you're sorry, but i bet its all fake
again you're not the first, and i hope it doesnt last
cause my life's in shambles, and it could go fast

really wanna show you what this is all like
but I don't know if you could put up a fight

build up your defenses for years to come
youll never know what's hit you until it's done

now you can see my day to day life
I can only hope that you survive this plight

rumination
rumination
rumination
rumination
rumination
rumination
rumination
rumination

credits

from On the Border, released January 1, 2023

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Elsyne Sanborn, New York

creating the scenes in my mind

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